


The Second Time

by messedupstargazer



Series: Rae's Whumptober 2019 [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: But I don't want to trigger anyone, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Hurt Lucifer, I put the graphic descriptions just in case I don't think it's really graphic, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Sorry, Lucifer (TV) Season/Series 03, Mild Gore, Missing Scene, One of Those Scenes, Shaky Hands, Whumptober 2019, Wing Mutilation, by the way, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 19:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20856719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedupstargazer/pseuds/messedupstargazer
Summary: Prompt one for whumptober- Shaky HandsLucifer has made a decision, one of the hardest decisions of his time on Earth.  Now he's just got to go through with it.





	The Second Time

The first time he’d done this, he’d had Maze do it. Not that he hadn’t wanted to do it, but that he didn’t think he could finish it once he started. The physical pain had its own point to be said, but he didn’t think he could truly cut off his own wings. He flew with them, wrapped himself up in them, he took care of them, they meant a lot to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to let go of the only thing he had left of his family and home, no that wasn’t a thought at all. It most certainly not that he cared about how his angelic nature affected him, or how sometimes his wings were the only thing that ever proved to Lucifer that his father once loved him before the Rebellion. Simply that losing his divinity was going to be painful, both on his mental state and physicality. That was all.

He had been holding Maze’s knife in his hands for who knows how long. His hands shook under the weight of the knife. He could do this. He could do this alone. He hated his Father will unparallelled fury, he could spite him again. Last time he did this, he had collapsed to the beach, laughing, crying and cursing his Father with every choking gasp. So he did make sure to have plenty of his pillows available for this time. Wings meant nothing to him, especially wings that his Father was using to try and manipulate him. His Father couldn’t have forgiven him, as Lucifer did not ask, nor want, his forgiveness. Especially after everything that happened with his mother. If He couldn’t forgive His own wife, He certainly wouldn’t forgive His most rebellious son. His Father wasn’t capable of that kind of love.

So back to the dagger. He had to fumble a bit, but eventually he got at the top of his new wing. The blade rested on top of his right wing. He could do this. He could definitely do this. His hands weren’t shaking, they weren’t. He wasn’t scared to cut them off himself. He wasn’t scared to cut them off at all. He simply knew it was going to hurt. He hated causing himself pain, except when he knew he was getting something from it. Maze could always spice up their bedroom activities with her knives. It always gave him a bit more thrill.

This was not thrilling. His feathers ruffled, as if sensing what he was going to do. He had to do this now before he psyched himself out of it. There was no other choice. He couldn’t keep the bloody things! He wouldn’t allow himself to be put under his Father’s manipulations again. He was Lucifer Morningstar, the Lightbringer, the Adversary, the Devil himself. He won free will. His Father could not control him. If Maze wouldn’t do it, if Amenadiel wouldn’t do it, if none of his humans would do it, he would.

The first strike was honestly the easiest. His body hadn’t quite registered the pain yet, so he pulled the knife down once more. The pain hit him all at once. He couldn’t keep the scream inside him, and he dropped to his knees, sending shockwaves of pain up and down his back. He forced himself to rip through more muscles, tendons, bones and flesh, he could feel he was almost done with his right wing. One more ought to do it. With the taste of blood in his mouth, his tongue in between his teeth, he brought the knife down, slicing off the right wing. Thankfully, Lux was a club, and screams were not something that anyone could hear over the music. The knife clattered to the ground as Lucifer’s hands could no longer bear it. The stump screamed with him, and his left wing hurt, hurt, _hurt_, screaming out for its twin. Unable to take the pain, Lucifer grabbed wildly at the knife, cutting his palm open by doing so and in one long, agonizing drag, he freed himself of the curse his Father put on him. He fell headfirst into the pillows he had arranged, and screamed. Eventually, his tears of pain started to become tears of laughter as he felt the freedom of being without wings. For a moment, or a week, he wasn’t sure of the time, pain and rebellion blurred together. He was sure he spoke but he didn’t know what he said, he was sure he laughed but he didn’t know what at, he was sure he cried but whether it was pain or spite or freedom or grief he wasn’t sure.

When he did eventually come back to himself, he found Amenadiel standing over him, looking horrified.

“Brother, what have you done to yourself?” Amenadiel whispered, as if trying not to spook his brother, his hands hovering over his back and torn wings.

“I told you.” Lucifer hissed, unable to contain the tremors now all over his body and out of his hands. “I wasn’t going to let him control me.”

“Lucifer you’re-” Amenadiel stopped, realizing the pain Lucifer must be in now that he was wingless. “Come in, let me help you to your bed.”

“Brother, that’s ridiculous coming from you.” Lucifer laughed. He wasn’t entirely sure what Amenadiel said was funny but he was laughing all the same.  
Amenadiel rolled his eyes, and gently touched his brother’s back. When Lucifer didn’t scream, he was able to get his arms around his brother to half-walk half-carry Lucifer to his bedroom, setting Lucifer down on the bed as gently as he could.

“Get some sleep, Luci.” Amenadiel whispered, then added as if he couldn’t help it, “Why?”

“Because,” Lucifer was just conscious of his answer before he succumbed to unconsciousness, “God has a lot to answer for and my rebellion will continue until he does so.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my attempt at Whumptober, I'll be posting as much as I can, under this series. Not all will be Lucifer but each story will be Whumptober. Some will.
> 
> PS- that last line isn't mine I got it from hokuto-ju-no-ken from tumblr. Wanna make sure they get credit for that.
> 
> If you liked it, let me know! I'm always down to talk Lucifer! Come find me at bloodyfeverdreams on tumblr- if you can't find me that's because I'm in an ongoing technical battle with the staff for their algorithm constantly marking me explicit. I have no explicit content, by the way. Leave a comment or come say hi! Whatever you're comfortable with!


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